|Right before my name was called upon.|
Late morning in the MSA studio, 18th June 2013, 11:30:00
Will: Siti,come on up!
Me : Yes Will, coming!
Heavy steps were taken up to the mezzanine. Cold sweats broke on the face.Heart was pounding really hard...
and that studio tutor of mine, Mr Will Stewart was holding a piece of A4 sheet. The eyes started to get teary.
"Allah..Allah! I can't bear to see the sheet. And so, I sincerely beg You for some strength, that I could accept whatever grade written on it with all my heart because I believe it is from no one but You."
That's how nervous I was when my 2nd-year result was about to be handed out. I've never felt so unconfident in my whole student's life like I was on that day. As I walked towards Will, I covered my face with a book just so he couldn't see the tears rolling down my cheeks.
Me : I know I did bad. I'm sorry, Will.
That were the first sentences. Crap! I forgot to greet him.
Will: How do you know you did bad? There must be reasons for that. (small laugh)
Have a sit first, Siti. How are you doing?
Me : (sit) I'm doing good. Sorry, I was rude. I'm...I'm just too nervous.
Will: Naa, it's alright love. So tell me, what makes you lose your confidence?
You must have done something you shouldn't to be feeling like this. Yes?
Me : (deep sigh) It would sound like an excuse, but I really, really had no enough time.
There were 4 submissions in a very same week and I had no idea which one should come first.
I know Siobhan has told us number of times that the portfolio gives the most percentage
among those four. I was wrong, I am sorry.
Will: (hand me the result slip) I give you an _.
Me : Alhamdulillah, thank God! Thanks Will!!
SubhanaAllah walhamdulillah wa astaghfirullah. Sujud syukur only to Allah who has given me another chance to be His grateful slave. You took the 350 pound ticket away, but You gave me that grade in return. You postponed my vacation to the Land of Your Prophets, but You give me the chance to be one of Your guests in Baitullah and to give salam to Your Messenger, sallallahu a'laihi wassalam.
I couldn't ask for more. May You accept all my good deeds and forgive all my sins in the past and in the future.
7 days to the DAY.